john and

Anne Catlin
20 hours ago
2 min read

Updated: 3 hours ago

After an incredibly disorienting stretch of days, I think I can finally speak without screaming for this part. I am with family, and with myself, taking time to process the sudden and untimely death of our brother, John who would have been 40 next month.

3 dead brothers. 3 of 5 (or of 7 if you count the babies). The day before mother’s day. I can’t even. I can’t.

My grief is spilling out through my art. My fire is my art. But this broke open something so huge in me I wondered if it was possible to brake all the way through?

But I’m still here. WE’RE still here, I guess just more on both sides now.

Some have reached out and I’m grateful but not ready. We’re still figuring out how to talk to eachother. Please just give it time.

Meanwhile a recent public protest devolved into something I can basically sum up as just excruciatingly painful.

I realize some were confused about what was even going on and I am still coming to terms with what happened. Though maybe difficult for the dudes who couldn’t see past the boobs and cussing, the gyst was basically:

and

to my spiritual understanding at least. Which I guess is about as credible as those of you who know me can manage to believe.

I want to be clear: the lack of clothing was not about hotness. I was unarmed. I was silenced. And now the truth is known to those who need to —- and now, now, I can finally rest.

As for John, this is one of the things we have left of my beautiful brother, this video I think the interviewer paid him something like $50 or $100 a few years ago to buy more drugs #mentalhealth and now that guy gets paid every time you watch it.

But I promise there was so much good in the meantime.